Tenebre’s Tale: A Musical Journey Through Psychoanalysis

The following is an excerpt from the Program Note for Tenebre’s Tale, a recital I created to tell the story of my ten year journey in psychoanalysis. You can watch a recording of the most recent performance here. After the program except below you’ll find a complete PDF of the Program. I highly recommend following along in the program as you watch the performance. It provides translations of the text and drawings that contextualize each step along the journey.

—

It’s not the intellectual that brings us to psychoanalysis, but the emotional—our feelings and the difficulties we are having with them.  For me, the talking cure worked! Ten years, three to four days a week, almost every week; in the chair, on the couch, on the phone, on FaceTime. Trying my best to put into words everything that came into my mind, while in the presence of another human being, helped to resolve my deepest and most challenging inner conflicts.  The journey, however, was singularly difficult.

Consistently placing my attention on the subjects that scared me the most—like touching a hot stove again and again—hurt. The path was filled with traps, dead ends, imagined assassins, and barbed wire. Much of this was in my mind, of course, and in a way that made it even more difficult.  This recital is an attempt to recount the emotional journey I took over the course of those ten years.

In her book Feeling and Form, the philosopher Susanne Langer states, “Music is a tonal analogue of emotive life.” As a singer, I’ve experienced the power of this “tonal analogue” myriad times. Music communicates emotions in a way that words alone cannot, eliciting a felt sense of the composer’s intention that is immediate and profound. What better a tool for telling the story of an emotional journey!

I programmed this recital by first reflecting on the experience. As I reflected, major milestones appeared in my mind. I captured those by writing down simple statements and associated feelings. For example, “Excitement, I think I’ve found the way to the answers I seek”.  Then, I began searching for a song to represent that milestone.

The process developed slowly–over the course of a year. As it did, a song would emerge, or a poem, or the conviction that a monologue would be the most effective way to describe that specific part of the journey. Some pieces represent a moment in time while others capture a gradual development or period. The recital progresses chronologically, from the weeks leading up to my first “session” to…well, this moment!

If you are having trouble viewing the PDF, you can download it here.